What happened?
Whatever happened to the times when you worried about things that were never an issue to begin with? Where things seemed to be worse than they actually were. Where solutions to our problems were as easy as simply saying "I'm sorry."
Tuesday, June 21, 2011
Thursday, June 16, 2011
The One You Want
Perfection.
That is what she is to you. The one you set up all standards against.
Such a rich history between the two of you. The first girl to ever truly have an impact on your life. She reached out a hand, and showed you what true love really means.
She deserves nothing but the best. That is what makes it so hard for you. So many opportunities to hold her, to be her man. You hold back... feeling sometimes that you can't offer her that which she deserves.
You put her happiness above your own. You love her and always will.
She is right in all the right ways.
That is what she is to you. The one you set up all standards against.
Such a rich history between the two of you. The first girl to ever truly have an impact on your life. She reached out a hand, and showed you what true love really means.
She deserves nothing but the best. That is what makes it so hard for you. So many opportunities to hold her, to be her man. You hold back... feeling sometimes that you can't offer her that which she deserves.
You put her happiness above your own. You love her and always will.
She is right in all the right ways.
The One That Got Away
She was right in all the wrong places.
So naive and inexperienced. She tried her best to break you out, to open you up. You resisted. She eventually gave up.
Things are different now and you finally realize how much she did for you. You appreciate her more than ever. She is the one who tells you like it is, never holding back. Perhaps that is what you needed all along.
A different time, a different place. Maybe it would have worked out then. However, she is as invaluable as ever now. Always willing to offer up advice and help you out.
You appreciate her more than ever. You can't help but to wonder once in a while: "what if..."
The one that got away.
So naive and inexperienced. She tried her best to break you out, to open you up. You resisted. She eventually gave up.
Things are different now and you finally realize how much she did for you. You appreciate her more than ever. She is the one who tells you like it is, never holding back. Perhaps that is what you needed all along.
A different time, a different place. Maybe it would have worked out then. However, she is as invaluable as ever now. Always willing to offer up advice and help you out.
You appreciate her more than ever. You can't help but to wonder once in a while: "what if..."
The one that got away.
Tuesday, May 10, 2011
Happiness By the Kilowatt
Happiness.
Something I have been considering a lot lately.
Defined numerous ways by many. No one true definition. I suppose what makes you happy is what helps you to enjoy life. Joy and happiness, two in one. Recently, I was given a definition that I can't stop thinking about. I am not sure why it has, as there is no real context to it for me. Perhaps it was a mistake to know this information, perhaps not. What it did make me do was realize something. Something extremely important that I have slowly been seeing over the past few months. You define your own happiness. Simple right? But what I think happens is that we get so consumed, so overwhelmed with trying to chase this, what we think is "happiness" we lose sight of what we have, the things we have that make us happy.
Within this encounter, this interaction I learned another thing. It seems as if there is still that wall that exists. Obviously uncomfortable which is completely understandable. In fact for it not to be would worry me. But with these ramblings, these notes to ourselves, we reveal more and more that we want to say, but never will.
Cliches.... don't really like them, but they always seem to apply.... enjoy the simple things in life.
"So this is continuous happiness
You know, I always
Imagined it something more
With the right drapes, the right paints
The right frames, this could really work."
Something I have been considering a lot lately.
Defined numerous ways by many. No one true definition. I suppose what makes you happy is what helps you to enjoy life. Joy and happiness, two in one. Recently, I was given a definition that I can't stop thinking about. I am not sure why it has, as there is no real context to it for me. Perhaps it was a mistake to know this information, perhaps not. What it did make me do was realize something. Something extremely important that I have slowly been seeing over the past few months. You define your own happiness. Simple right? But what I think happens is that we get so consumed, so overwhelmed with trying to chase this, what we think is "happiness" we lose sight of what we have, the things we have that make us happy.
Within this encounter, this interaction I learned another thing. It seems as if there is still that wall that exists. Obviously uncomfortable which is completely understandable. In fact for it not to be would worry me. But with these ramblings, these notes to ourselves, we reveal more and more that we want to say, but never will.
Cliches.... don't really like them, but they always seem to apply.... enjoy the simple things in life.
"So this is continuous happiness
You know, I always
Imagined it something more
With the right drapes, the right paints
The right frames, this could really work."
Tuesday, May 3, 2011
When the Curtains Close
An audience.
What happens when you no longer have one? When not one person chooses to listen anymore?
This is a difficult scenario to deal with. We constantly yearn for someone to listen, even if we are just projecting out into the dark.
Hope. It's what keeps us going. The motivating force behind our actions.
What happens when you no longer have one? When not one person chooses to listen anymore?
This is a difficult scenario to deal with. We constantly yearn for someone to listen, even if we are just projecting out into the dark.
Hope. It's what keeps us going. The motivating force behind our actions.
“Hope is faith holding out its hand in the dark.”
Monday, April 11, 2011
Perspective
Life.
A funny thing isn't it? There are certain times to where funny would never be the word to be associated with it but when life forces you to smile, you can't help but find certain situations funny. A few weeks ago I would have never said it. Now? Now I am happy. It's a change that is clearly evident to the ones around me. The tone of my voice, my outlook on certain issues, the way I deal with them. I can't help but focus on one subject in particular. For so long I held a grudge. Something that seemed so easy to do at the time. Slowly it is being eroded away. Not ready to forgive just yet but slowly building towards a civility that previously did not exist. This coupled with experiences that can only be called amazing, and you begin to see why life is funny. Profound? Yes. It forced me to make a difficult change that made a world of a difference in my attitude. I'm not sure which change occurred first: Good experiences helping me make better decisions? Or better decisions helping me to enjoy those good experiences? I see a combination of both, the two working hand-in-hand. However it happened, I am happy. This is why I can't help but smile, and learn to laugh again.
"The healthiest response to life is joy."
A funny thing isn't it? There are certain times to where funny would never be the word to be associated with it but when life forces you to smile, you can't help but find certain situations funny. A few weeks ago I would have never said it. Now? Now I am happy. It's a change that is clearly evident to the ones around me. The tone of my voice, my outlook on certain issues, the way I deal with them. I can't help but focus on one subject in particular. For so long I held a grudge. Something that seemed so easy to do at the time. Slowly it is being eroded away. Not ready to forgive just yet but slowly building towards a civility that previously did not exist. This coupled with experiences that can only be called amazing, and you begin to see why life is funny. Profound? Yes. It forced me to make a difficult change that made a world of a difference in my attitude. I'm not sure which change occurred first: Good experiences helping me make better decisions? Or better decisions helping me to enjoy those good experiences? I see a combination of both, the two working hand-in-hand. However it happened, I am happy. This is why I can't help but smile, and learn to laugh again.
"The healthiest response to life is joy."
Monday, April 4, 2011
Expectations
Where to start?
Honestly, I have no idea...
Continuing on from an earlier draft that was never posted. As I sit here and look at those words it amazes me how much of a difference a day can make. I have done a lot of thinking lately, on one topic in particular. Details upon this topic will be shaded at best. Why? A question that we all hate to hear. A question that pushes us to reveal something deeper than the initial explanation. This "why" will be explained later throughout different entries as these streams of thought become more relevant to particular parts of this topic. Some of you may be familiar with the situation already and thus will more clearly understand.
So, let's continue.
Honesty. There would be no point to this without it. That being said, discussion begins.
A girl. Past ventures. There has been an ongoing issue of resolving a major problem that occurred a while back. One that has only grown just as fire consumes a dry and dead landscape. In many ways that is what the relationship has developed into. For so long I have fought and struggled. Sometimes to the point of insanity.
Doubt. Discomfort. Disparity. Suffering. The past.
Maturity teaches us a lot about ourselves. That growing up process. Admittance can be a hard thing for me to do. That may be why this has gone on so long. Blame falls on more than one but the loads are not equal. Knowing that this is not known has been hard. Possibly the hardest part. However (that word alone holds so much power to me), I'm tired. Physically. Mentally. Emotionally. Some things just aren't worth the battle, not if it causes this much pain and confusion. I want this to end. To finally be put to rest.
The first step. The key step.
I believe doing this will help to allow me to enjoy some of the other things happening around me. Introvert by nature, reaching out has never been easy. However (that word again), genuine people make a world of a difference. I am happy. That word and I have not been associated with one another in a long while. And why? (this one I will actually answer) Because there comes a time in life when you have to access if it is worth it. Is this sadistic nature of mine worth giving up the people who care? The answer, as I have come to realize as of late, is no.
And THAT, is the purpose I am writing you.
"The hardest thing to learn in life is which bridge to cross and which to burn."
Honestly, I have no idea...
Continuing on from an earlier draft that was never posted. As I sit here and look at those words it amazes me how much of a difference a day can make. I have done a lot of thinking lately, on one topic in particular. Details upon this topic will be shaded at best. Why? A question that we all hate to hear. A question that pushes us to reveal something deeper than the initial explanation. This "why" will be explained later throughout different entries as these streams of thought become more relevant to particular parts of this topic. Some of you may be familiar with the situation already and thus will more clearly understand.
So, let's continue.
Honesty. There would be no point to this without it. That being said, discussion begins.
A girl. Past ventures. There has been an ongoing issue of resolving a major problem that occurred a while back. One that has only grown just as fire consumes a dry and dead landscape. In many ways that is what the relationship has developed into. For so long I have fought and struggled. Sometimes to the point of insanity.
Doubt. Discomfort. Disparity. Suffering. The past.
Maturity teaches us a lot about ourselves. That growing up process. Admittance can be a hard thing for me to do. That may be why this has gone on so long. Blame falls on more than one but the loads are not equal. Knowing that this is not known has been hard. Possibly the hardest part. However (that word alone holds so much power to me), I'm tired. Physically. Mentally. Emotionally. Some things just aren't worth the battle, not if it causes this much pain and confusion. I want this to end. To finally be put to rest.
The first step. The key step.
I believe doing this will help to allow me to enjoy some of the other things happening around me. Introvert by nature, reaching out has never been easy. However (that word again), genuine people make a world of a difference. I am happy. That word and I have not been associated with one another in a long while. And why? (this one I will actually answer) Because there comes a time in life when you have to access if it is worth it. Is this sadistic nature of mine worth giving up the people who care? The answer, as I have come to realize as of late, is no.
And THAT, is the purpose I am writing you.
"The hardest thing to learn in life is which bridge to cross and which to burn."
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