Every so often we look back on instances that have impacted us in the severest of ways, be it good or bad. This just so happens to be one of those instances.
I haven't listened to this song in a long time, and as such never paid much attention to the lyrics, or really searched for a meaning within. I feel that happens with a lot of music, but nonetheless, I'm focusing on this one.
Strong words that are heavily weighted with meaning. This song explains a reflection of what I was for the past year.
It begins with a dark glowing ember...
Something black burning its way out of me
Searing the flesh
Pain is the only thing I feel, scars all I see...
Oh no the fire's burning my insides again!
What can I do to silence my desire tonight?
Flames consuming reason leaving only ashes left,
You will catch me regretting my decision
I can't keep telling myself what I want to hear (what I want to hear)
I can't just close my eyes
I know that it's killing me
And it's poisoning the best of me
What I say, I don't want to believe
So let me tell you more, tell you more
About the lies I lead
That is how I choose to douse the flames in gasoline (Whoo!)
Broken dreams replace the blackout memories in my head
Wreckage from my past, it haunts me, shakes me to the bone (to the bone)
I know it's over but I can't go home tonight
But after this I feel as empty as the night before
Feel the pain and yet I'm still begging for more
Masochistic, nihilistic, urging backward thought
My life's a mess and I can't find a way to fix it
I can't keep telling myself what I want to hear (what I want to hear)
I can't just close my eyes
(close my, close my, close my fuckin eyes)
I know that it's killing me,
And it's poisoning the best of me
What I say, I don't want to believe
So let me tell you more, tell you more
About the lies I lead
Calling, calling out
The darkest reaches of my soul are riddled with self-doubt
Crawling, crawling out
My will to fight will more than suffice when others would lay down
It's only as dark as you make it!
I know (I know) that it's killing me (it's killing me)
And it's poisoning (it's poisoning) the best of me (the best of me)
What I say (what I say), I don't want to believe (want to believe)
So let me tell you more, tell you more
About the lies I lead
