Expectations

Where to start?
Honestly, I have no idea...
Continuing on from an earlier draft that was never posted. As I sit here and look at those words it amazes me how much of a difference a day can make. I have done a lot of thinking lately, on one topic in particular. Details upon this topic will be shaded at best. Why? A question that we all hate to hear. A question that pushes us to reveal something deeper than the initial explanation. This "why" will be explained later throughout different entries as these streams of thought become more relevant to particular parts of this topic. Some of you may be familiar with the situation already and thus will more clearly understand.
So, let's continue.
Honesty. There would be no point to this without it. That being said, discussion begins.
A girl. Past ventures. There has been an ongoing issue of resolving a major problem that occurred a while back. One that has only grown just as fire consumes a dry and dead landscape. In many ways that is what the relationship has developed into. For so long I have fought and struggled. Sometimes to the point of insanity.
Doubt. Discomfort. Disparity. Suffering. The past.
Maturity teaches us a lot about ourselves. That growing up process. Admittance can be a hard thing for me to do. That may be why this has gone on so long. Blame falls on more than one but the loads are not equal. Knowing that this is not known has been hard. Possibly the hardest part. However (that word alone holds so much power to me), I'm tired. Physically. Mentally. Emotionally. Some things just aren't worth the battle, not if it causes this much pain and confusion. I want this to end. To finally be put to rest.
The first step. The key step.
I believe doing this will help to allow me to enjoy some of the other things happening around me. Introvert by nature, reaching out has never been easy. However (that word again), genuine people make a world of a difference. I am happy. That word and I have not been associated with one another in a long while. And why? (this one I will actually answer) Because there comes a time in life when you have to access if it is worth it. Is this sadistic nature of mine worth giving up the people who care? The answer, as I have come to realize as of late, is no.
And THAT, is the purpose I am writing you.

"The hardest thing to learn in life is which bridge to cross and which to burn."